BRYAN'S STORY SUPPORT SYSTEM DO RESEARCH ON YOUR OWN FIRST FIND A WAY TO CONNECT ONE-ON-ONE PROVIDE NO-STRINGS-ATTACHED SUPPORT
OFFER RESOURCES ALWAYS HAVE A SMART (AND SAFE) EXIT STRATEGY TO PROTECT THE KIDS TO SEEK HELP FOR STALKING OR OTHER CRIMES
This site is to bring awareness to how our own negative words can change into actions with severely negative consequences, in just a blink of an eye. There are thousands of people in our small communities around the world everyday that are suffering from one form of Domestic Violence or another, whether it be Verbal, Physical, Mental, Sexual, or Emotional. My quest is that we, together, lend a helping hand to "End Domestic Violence", or at least to stop the spread at such an alarming rate.
As most of you know, I am currently serving a life sentence here in Pennsylvania's Department of Corrections in the United States. My name is Bryan Lee Walter DM-2214 and my nick name is " Lumpy". I committed a senseless murder against my girlfriend in a very inebriated state on August 16th, 1996. I am not proud of what I did, nor am I trying to make excuses for my actions. I now realize the impact that my actions have had on my victim and her family.
While growing up here in the mountains of Pennsylvania we, often use words without much thought. We say things like "I am going to kill you for putting your hand in the cookie jar before dinner," with absolutely no harm intended whatsoever. How few are there, who truly realize how far-reaching is the influence of their own words and actions? How often do the errors of parents, teachers and grandparents produce the most disastrous effects upon our children and their children's children, long after we are gone. Words and actions have a telling power. Often people are put up against huge marital issues, work deadlines, single parent households, and even mental problems that need professionally licensed physicians to lend a helping hand. There is so much that we can do together, starting today.
I take no credit for writing any of the following articles that I have provided in my website. They were all provided to me through our self-help meetings here at our State Correctional Institution in Somerset, PA
Ready for a heavy dose of reality? Many people are experiencing abuse for the first time or facing escalating relationship issues due to a perfect storm of factors. Watching this play out with a loved one can be terrifying-and-frustrating-if you have no idea what to do. Take a breath and read on for an actually beneficial guide to making an impact.
The saying "timing is everything" has particular significance when it comes to getting out of a relationship involving emotional or physical abuse. An abuser's tactics, a survivor's complex feelings of shame or guilt, and factors like children or finances, or even pets, can all impact when and why someone feels ready to make their exit. It's a process that friends and family and the person in the difficult situation can't rush-or craft a completely flawless plan-to fix.
Still, when you hear or suspect someone you care about is in an unhealthy or abusive relationship, the knee-jerk reaction is often "Why can't you just leave?" or "We're ending this now." Despite your best intentions, experts caution that what your instincts tell you to do is not always the most effective route in the long run. Especially is this true in uncertain times like the present, when there are even more hurdles complicating the road to safety and healing.
Intimate partner violence (IPV) is about one person in the relationship (or a significant other) trying to take control and power away from the other. And abusers use a slew of strategies to do that, from threats to digital harassment. "A victim is experiencing a lack of control over their own decisions," says Deborah J. Vagins, president and CEO of the National Network to End Domestic Violence (NNEDV). "The last thing you want to do is take more power away from them by making choices on their behalf."
But experts say this data is just the tip of the iceberg. After all, emotional abuse is the most common form of IPV-and it's challenging to chart. The initial signs are easy to minimize, like increased isolation, personal jabs (being called names as a "joke"), tests of loyalty (such as insistence that passwords be shared), or gas lighting.
Worse yet, it's hard to identify and address what's going on from the outside, even if you suspect something's amiss. While at home, " If a survivor wants to connect, they aren't able to easily without their abusive partner knowing about it." says Katie Atkinson, director of survivors services for LGBTQ people of all genders at the National/La Red in Boston. The people they confide in most are often friends and family, though, so it's critical to think proactively. (This is especial true for multiracial, Black,Native American, disabled, low-income, bisexual, and trans women, who face higher rates of domestic violence and greater barriers to receiving aid.)
"The more you understand the dynamics of Intimate Partner Violence, the better able you will be to offer support." says Anne Nicolosi, operations manager at Strong-Hearts Native Helpline. Expressing concerns about someone's relationship is super-dicey territory. So learn the red flags and the different forms of offense before starting a conversation. This will help you avoid common mistakes that could jeopardize the situation. (Not what you want...)
How to do this? Contact a trained advocate via the National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at 1-800-799-7233 or live-chat at thehotline.org. Or find contact info for a local organization and give them a rundown of the situation. A common misconception is that hotlines are "only" for the person in the situation-but Glass says family and friends often call in too.
Take a few notes about the nature of the relationship, and any concerning behaviors you've witnessed or heard about so you're ready to share them when asked why you're calling. Also, make a list of questions you want to cover, says Atkinson, such as "Is it okay if I say or do X?" and "What local resources are available if they want to leave, find housing, or get legal aid?" And to ensure they're comfortable potentially calling on their own behalf in the future, "How do you handle confidentiality?" Clarifying what you should (and shouldn't) do in your role can give you confidence you need to tackle what comes next.
Many communities offer battered women shelters where D.V. victims can escape their dangers. Check with your local United Way which often fund these confidential, unmarked refugees.
1. Letters to Bryan
SMART COMMUNICATIONS/PADOC
Bryan Walter DM2214
SCI-Somerset
P.O. Box 33028
St. Petersburg, FL 33733
Free Postcard with picture
ameelio.org
textbehind.com
2. Phone Call
Contact Bryan for DOC approval with your:
Name
Birthdate
Address
Phone Number
All as it appears on your ID
3. Person Visit
Contact Bryan for DOC approval with your:
Name
Birthdate
Address
All as it appears on your ID
4. Zoom Visit
inmatevisitation.COR.PA.GOV
Contact Bryan for DOC approval with your:
Name
Birthdate
Address
All as it appears on your ID
5. Texting
www.connectnetwork.com
1.877.650.4249
6. Books/Magazines/Photos
SECURITY PROCESSING CENTER
Bryan Walter DM2214
268 Bricker Road
Bellefonte, PA 16823
Photos: shutterfly.com or pelipost.com
7. JPAY
www.jpay.com
800-574-5729
Mail Money orders:
JPAY
717 Market Street, Suite 423
Lemoyne, PA 1703
Ask your loved one if you can chat sometime (but don't mention abuse, and do let them choose how to connect socially distanced in person, over the phone, via Zoom, or on Face-Time, for example-since their partner could be monitoring communications). Start with not-so-invasive questions such as "Where's so-and-so today? or " I want to talk to you about something personal-can we chat privately?" suggests Atkinson. Then, when you're sure you're both in a safe place, simply ask how they feel about the relationship.
Let them know you're concerned about something you've witnessed or heard about, and encourage candor by listening reflectively. For example: "I'm worried when [name] says things like that to you. How does it make you feel? or " What you're describing sounds like an example of gas lighting. What do you think?" Prime questions with phrases to emphasize that they're in control (e.g. "There's no pressure to answer any of my questions") and be truthful about your own circumstances (" I don't know exactly what to say, but I want to support you however you need. May I ask you some questions about this?")
You might feel the urge to disparage their partner, but this can backfire fast. The person is still a key part of their life and someone they may love deeply. They might become defensive, blame themselves, or stop confiding in you entirely. Focus on behaviors and their impact instead, says Nicolosi. At the same time, be firm, emphasizing that its never okay to treat someone that weigh, no excuses.
If they don't want to talk to begin with? Do not push it. Let them know you care about them very much and are concerned, and that you respect their boundaries and are available anytime they want to discuss. Then let them change the subject.
While its important to be honest about your concerns, keep your tone calm and avoid gushing about how worried you've been (experts call this centering your own feelings), which could cause unnecessary drama and fear, says Nicolosi.
Thank them off the bat for trusting you with this information. "What survivors need most is someone who will believe them and listen to them," says Linley Beckbridge, communications and outreach director at Doorways, a domestic violence shelter in Arlington, Virginia. Let them know you're in their corner, and never give ultimatums or unsolicited advice.
Also good to know: Going back to the relationship is a normal part of the process. They might be facing obstacles they can't tell you about, like feelings of denial or guilt. Pressuring them to "get out" before they're ready is dangerous. The hope is that *they* know best how to stay safe until they can carefully exit.
KEEP ALL LINES OF COMMUNICATIONS OPEN
Abusers of any kind use isolation to deepen their control, dominating a person's time to keep them spending it with loved ones. So continue to reach out, offering a space to talk, to feel validated, or to just know they're not alone. Ask how they prefer to stay in touch and check in often-as long as it's safe for both of you, says Nicolosi. Connect over phone calls, texts, video calls, virtual games-even grocery deliveries or socially distanced meetups. Just be sure to find ways to maintain your comforting presence and encouragement, even if you have to get creative. It may be lifesaving.
Once they're (possibly) ready to move forward, you can help sort priorities with an open-ended question like "Are there any options you've been thinking about?" Assure them, once they're on board, that there are people who care And programs that can help, says Doreen Nicholas, survivor engagement and systems change specialist at Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence (ACESDV).
If they're not there yet, don't jump into problem-solving mode; continue to lend an ear and unconditional support, says Nicolosi. Money troubles are one of the most common reasons victims stay or return to partners. (The majority experience financial abuse-e.g., their person controls all finances or prevents them from working.) What you can do is spot them on childcare, necessities, or an Airbnb. Pro tip: Advocacy centers sometimes help cover immediate needs or can point to them toward other opportunities.
Remember to Listen Without Judging, or demanding answers or next steps may be. "What survivors of Domestic Violence need most is someone who will believe them and listen to them.
ALWAYS HAVE A SMART (AND SAFE) EXIT STRATEGY
Know your loved one is in physical danger? Now's the time to be direct, says Nancy Glass, Ph.D. Ask if they have a safety plan (strategies survivors can use to keep themselves, their kids, and their pets as safe as possible). To make sure they're covered, ask what they might do if the partner does something violent again, and who they could contact and how. Offer to download the myPlan app for her to self-access her situation and get personalized tips within a matter of minutes
ALWAYS HAVE A CHEAT SHEET TO GET ASSISTANCE IN THREE DIFFERENT SITUATIONS IN ORDER TO TALK OUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES.
Try the National Domestic Violence Hotline (1-800-799-7233, or TTY 1-800-787-3224). Trained advocates can discuss the situation confidentially, help brainstorm next steps, and find nearby resources for housing, legal aid, applying for benefits, and more.
Call the Child Help National Child Abuse Hotline (1-800-422-4453) in this case. Professional crisis counselors will share how to document and report potential cases of child endangerment, advocate for kids, and refer families to local treatment centers whenever needed.
TO SEEK HELP FOR STALKING OR OTHER CRIMES
Reach out to the Victim Connect Resource Center (1-855-484-2846). Victim assistance specialists can help them consider whether to report a crime or seek justice through the courts and connect them to legal resources in your area. For those who live in Bedford County Pennsylvania region can contact, Your Safe Haven, Inc. at www.yoursafehaven.org. Their Executive Director is Susan Hawthorne, 342 S. Richard St. STE 1, Bedford Pa. 15522